Vicar's Sofa: Sick Day Revelations

Is it just me that has little life epiphanies during a period of illness? I'm now at day five within the same four walls and at the stage where I am vowing to never take my health for granted again. I'm also realising, due to this bout of forced inactivity, how difficult I find it to do nothing. And I mean really do nothing. No reading, no list making, no planning, no cooking, no cleaning, no working. Nothing. I've just been so wiped out that these things haven't been possible and that has been really quite hard.

I am perpetually busy and, honestly, most of the time that is just how I like it. I love new experiences, I love being with people. I like the sense of achievement from ticking things off my list. But I also get burned out and tired of constantly striving. This week has made me realise how liberating it can be to take my foot off the gas. Today as I sat huddled under my duvet thinking about all the things I was not doing and ought to be doing the thought suddenly popped into my head 'Why don't you just enjoy where you've got to?'

There couldn't be more apt thought for this weekend when I will be graduating from Oxford with a hard earned BA in Theology. This graduation caps such a happy time in my life living, working and studying in Oxford. I have loved being in this extraordinary city. I've loved digging up books in Bodleian and being in classes with incredible lecturers. My mind has been expanded in ways I never knew it could be. I can't wait to walk into the Sheldonian tomorrow and claim my place among the Oxford Alumni.

Graduating can easily become all about what comes next particularly as we are about to move house and job in the next few months. What will my professional studies look like over the next few years, do I have the aptitude to go further? What on earth is life going to look like in the long term? All questions I am thinking about and all important questions to consider but they are all questions for later. Now is about celebration, about just enjoying getting here. About being thankful for the extraordinary blessing that this time in Oxford has been and all the amazing and unexpected ways in which life has changed.
 

So perhaps this little time of being housebound will do me some good even if I am still feeling a little rough! Perhaps it will give me a little reminder that everything on the to do list does and will get done. Meanwhile its good to remember that all those lists I made in the past and all that work was for this moment, right now, so there really is no better time to stop and enjoy it.